I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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