still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
