Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
