is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
