I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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