handjob tips. give me some.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
