i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
