She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
