Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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