the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
