there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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