You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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