I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
