so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When did angry sex become our thing?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize