Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
