I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
