So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
