When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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