do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
