Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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