Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
