get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
