I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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