i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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