that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
