You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
