I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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