I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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