I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
