No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
