Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
