I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
