I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
