We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
