why didn't you poke me back
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm passing your future prison.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
