I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
