We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
