sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
