I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize