I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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