Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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