you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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