Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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