Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
