Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize