I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize