This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
