It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
