If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
