There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
