My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
