Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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