I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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