but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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