Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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