I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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