First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
