coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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