im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
