I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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