What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
