The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
