He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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