I hate your face
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
