make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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