I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
