he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize