Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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