nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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