Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
