oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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