A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
