I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you traded sex for a burrito?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
